Relational Aggression, a form of covert bullying, is a psychological and emotional form of abuse. It involves the specific use of relationships to hurt another, and is characterized by gossip, teasing, slander and exclusion.
Left unchecked, it can escalate into physical violence.
Relational aggression relies on a social structure and peers where relationships are used as leverage to reach a goal or as weapons to inflict harm. It can occur in a physical setting or a virtual one such as the internet or through wireless devices. This is called “cyber bullying”.
Relational aggression often involves name-calling and put downs. It can include other auditory taunts, such as sighing, bodily noises and animal sounds. Excluding, alienating, rolling of the eyes, sideways glances, giggling, speaking about you in the third person in your presence, “accidental” body slams, betraying your secrets or threatening to, and the “silent treatment” are all common tactics of relational aggression.
Relational aggression can be environment or audience specific. Due to its covert nature, relational aggression often occurs under the radar of authority figures, such as teachers or bosses, or people to whom the aggressor wants to make a good impression. It can very quickly turn to an overt in-your-face kind of aggressive when “the coast is clear”.
Relational aggressors use other people to express negative emotions they feel, but cannot or choose not to express directly. It’s a way to inflict damage while keeping their hands clean at the same time. Enlisting other people to join them in hurtful behavior, also, helps to legitimize their bad behavior. If others are “doing it too”, then how can it be wrong?
Manipulation and deception — even self-deception — are integral to relational aggression.
Relational aggression is generally thought to be a female phenomenon, but it’s not. It’s sometimes referred to as “female bullying”, and most everyone has heard of the “mean girl”, but unfortunately, manipulation of others to exert an end is part of a long spectrum of human behavior and attempt for power.
But so is kindness and compassion.
It’s time. It’s time to pull this beast out of the shadows and deal with it in the light of knowledge and awareness — not to point fingers and condemn, but to understand and address.
Let’s begin.
Demian Yumei
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Recent Comments