Parry’s Blog and Podcast, an excellent resource of information concerning bullying, relational aggression, predators and cyber safety.
Parry Aftab is a cyber lawyer and probably one of the most well-known authority and impassioned advocate for on-line safety.
Written and produced by 14 year old Trevor for isafe.org
…that when you call a child “fat”, “stupid”, or “ugly”, it’s bullying?
But when you call an adult those things…it’s comedy?
Well, I don’t…not until it interferes with my ability and right to live my life without undue prejudice or harassment. I’ve always found it curious that we are often so dismissive of how hurtful “what other people think” can be when it comes to children or individuals…as if the thoughts of others floated around on little self-contained ponds of ineffectiveness.
The person of a minority race cares about what other people think when it comes time to buy a house or find employment. The politician running for office cares about what people think, when it comes time to vote.
Some opinions don’t matter. But when they inspire actions that interfere in our lives they do.
The bottom line is that what people think often precedes how people act – how they will treat you, whether they will respect you or bully you, whether you will get the job, move into the neighborhood, win the office, ride home without harassment on the bus or get beat up after you get off.
And when what people think is used to manipulate others into treating you bad, then it’s really an insult to relegate it to just mere opinions and using that to shame you.
Relational aggression isn’t just about “what people think”. Bullying isn’t just a point of view. It’s about using those opinions and point of view to hurt you and negatively impact your ability to walk safely in your reality.
And that, I do care about.
In the post, “As if nothing happened“, on my personal blog, I explain why the situation with Megan Meier had hit me so hard. It took me a while to figure it out and even longer to go through all the emotions it triggered within me.
This is a very personal issue, but one that I find strength in sharing. Bullying, in whatever form it takes, is abuse. As such, the impact is very similar with other forms of abuse. This is why I want to share this post with you here, and hope you will read it.
Whenever you’ve been traumatized in whatever capacity, you need to take the time to take care of yourself. I had to do that for myself, and I hope you do that for you if you need to.
And you don’t have to go through this alone. Speak out. Someone will hear you. It’s just always who you think.
Relational aggression isn't so much about a specific person, a "bitch" or "mean girl" we love to hate, as much as a state of mind; a set of choices we all can make.
Relational aggression or any form of covert abuse belongs to a long spectrum of human behavior. The possibility for its manifestation exists in every person and is a only choice away for each one of us.
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