Covert Abuse

Chinese New Year

January 26, 2009 | Author: Demian Yumei

Happy Chinese New Year!

Year of the Ox.

The ox stands for persistence and tenacity. I hope for you this year the strength and perseverance to be true to your ideals and principles, and your own healing path.

Where there is duplicity and manipulation, may there be clarity and empowerment.
Where there is usury and slander, may there be liberation and truth.

Sometimes relational aggression can feel absolutely overbearing and overwhelming, but be persistent in your walk and tenacious in your stand for authenticity and accountability.

You will succeed.

When we hesitate to define our boundaries

January 23, 2009 | Author: Demian Yumei

So many of us feel guilty about setting boundaries, as if somehow it’s just not a nice thing to do.

We feel guilty, because most people are basically caring people. When people try to intrude into our space, we can sense on some level their desperation. We know they are feeling pain, and it’s hard for us to ignore.

Some of us (particularly females) are hardwired to be nurturing to others, to take upon ourselves the responsibility to provide comfort to others, to make everything all right.

We need to remind ourselves that nurturing others is not the same as letting them suck the life out of us or use us as a doormat for their needs. We need to remember that there is a difference between defining our boundaries and alienating someone out of relational aggression.

Defining our own space does not make us bullies…no matter how hard someone, trying to bully us into believing it, insists it is.

Some Observations

August 16, 2008 | Author: Demian Yumei

Well, I’ve been busy off doing other things, as you may well have noticed. I had my hands full ending the home school year and getting ready for another. We’re going to be doing things differently this year, at least to start off with, and there are a lot of new arrangements that need to be made for the upcoming school year. I’m still educating her at home, but I’m looking at a cyber school.

Anyway, my youngest daughter is now going through a relational aggression experience, at the moment, and I am observing some very interesting dynamics. This is not her first, but it is her most recent.

There was a previous, harsher experience earlier this year, to the point where I chose to leave one social group for another. But this one is the most recent, and in observing this and other situations, not among just children, but their mothers, I’m beginning to see just how closely intertwined the two are.

I feel a need to explore this further. I may actually start posting again!

Comments accidentally deleted

August 16, 2008 | Author: Demian Yumei

I’m so sorry, but for some reason my spam filter is acting up. I accidentally deleted some legitimate comments along with the spam, and when I tried to retrieve them like I’m supposed to be able to, I wasn’t allowed.

I’m very upset with this, as people’s comments and experiences are important to me. I’m afraid the deleted comments are probably irretrievable.

I do offer my deepest apologies.