It’s NOT just youth to youth, as you so well know.

You say your sons are clueless. Are the other daughter-in-laws aware of what’s actually going on? How many are there?

If you suspect one is the ringleader, and you used to be really close to the others, perhaps, the thing to do would be to address the others, one on one – starting with the one you were closest to and/or the most approachable at this point – concerning your relationship with them.

Have you tried that?

I’d be careful about accusing the aggressor of anything at this point. I’d just address the dynamics between you and the one you used to be close to, face to face, heart to heart. Maybe over some tea or other comfortable type of meeting.

And I’d probably just address the closeness you used to feel and cherished, and sense that isn’t quite there anymore. And ask if it was anything you might have done, you’d love to be able to address it, because you care. And I would put it as way of caring and concern for you two – not accusation of or defense from the other.

The most important thing is to stay cool, and not let her throw you off balance and wind up making you say or do anything that would not reflect well on you.

It’s probably what she would love. It being one of the most effective tactics of the covert abuser.