“Where There’s Smoke: The Fire of Relational Aggression”
copyright 2008 Demian Elaine’ Yumei

CHAPTER 1 (b)
IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING?

Keep an open mind to others, seek to understand, but do not substitute anyone’s assessment or assertion for your own discernment. This is your responsibility. Do not abdicate it.

Covert abusers deceive. They hit and run and cover their tracks. They smile and say it never happened, or they didn’t mean anything by it, or it had nothing to do with you.

If you’re like a lot of women and girls, you will do anything to avoid confronting someone or hurting their feelings. You may feel reluctant to tell someone they’re lying, or call them on their game playing, (I’ve done this) even as they stand there right in front of you, lying to your face.

If you’re a guy, you might feel embarrassed this is happening to you or perhaps you’re afraid of appearing petty or not tough enough to handle it.

To be lied to is abuse. Don’t turn around and compound the abuse of their denial, with your own. If you do, your self-respect and self-trust will suffer.

All the techniques of manipulation, projecting, denying, accusing, trivializing, rationalizing, justifying and half-truths, (which we will delve into in Chapter 7 “What Does Deception Look Like? ), these assaults of relational aggression not only work on other people, they work on you. They can make you doubt yourself, make you feel crazy. But you’re not.

You’re a target and you’re under fire. Sometimes you need to hear that.

[Chapter 1 to be continued]

[This material is part of my book, “Where There’s Smoke” and is copyrighted by myself, Demian Elaine’ Yumei, as is all posts authored by myself on this blog. If you use any part of these writings, even in fair use, please include my name and a link back to this blog, http://www.relationalaggression.net/blog. Thank you! ~ Demian]

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