“Where There’s Smoke: The Fire of Relational Aggression”
copyright 2008 Demian Elaine’ Yumei

Creativity and Connection
As a singer/songwriter, I, also, included four songs in this project, three of which came directly out of my experience with relational aggression. These songs were written in my music partnership with my dear friend, Stacey Young, as DreamSinger.

For the Sake of Love, Dancing Cranes and Look Inside You can be found on our debut CD, “For the Sake of Love” at www.cdbaby.com/dreamsinger. Backstabber is exclusive to this project. Each song represents specific stages on the healing journey – my healing journey – with relational aggression.

I would, also, like to point out the examples I use in this book have been culled through years of my life – not just one stage or one set of players, as well as, the lives of others who have shared their experiences with me, in person and through the internet. Details and any revealing characteristics have been omitted or modified to protect people’s identities and privacy.

No one person is being singled out, except me, as I share with you my mistakes and successes.

Where There’s Smoke is a harvesting of the fruits of my struggles and attempts to understand the abusive dynamics of my own toxic childhood, as well as my experience with relational aggression and other abuse in my later years. It’s a sharing of what worked and didn’t work for me.

And it’s an invitation to connect.

What hurt me most throughout all my experiences of abuse was the feeling of isolation, the feeling that I was alone, cut off…and maybe a little crazy.

But you’re not crazy and you’re not alone, and my first desire in writing this book and sharing these thoughts is to let you know that.

I hope these words will shed some light for you. I hope they will lead you to healing if you are suffering or have suffered as a target of relational aggression or any form of covert abuse. And I hope they lead you to healing if you suffer as an aggressor or in any other role, for to be touched by these toxic dynamics in any capacity, is to suffer some form of pain.

And so I welcome you. Pour yourself a cup of tea. Sit with me and let’s bring the light of understanding to the dark places of covert abuse together.

Demian,
~DreamSinger
Revised Introduction May 2008

[This material is part of my book, “Where There’s Smoke” and is copyrighted by myself, Demian Elaine’ Yumei, as is all posts authored by myself on this blog. If you use any part of these writings, even in fair use, please include my name and a link back to this blog, http://www.relationalaggression.net/blog. Thank you! ~ Demian]

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