The other day, my daughter and I tried out a writing game of tag, where I start a story, then she adds to it and then it’s my turn. Yesterday was our third day, so she was adding her part. She took the notebook from me and sat at her desk and as she was beginning to write she said, “Can I have a cup of tea?”

I looked at her and said, “Oh, you want to have a cup of tea while you write?”

And she smiled and said, “Yes.”

You see, that’s how I write. I sit at my desk with my laptop or pen and paper - and cup of tea. Whether I write indoors or am sitting on my porch, there’s always that cup of tea with me. I’m not even conscious of it, nor have I thought of it as one of my writing habits…until yesterday. I just do it.

That’s how our children learn. They watch and see things we don’t even realize.

What are you showing your child about conflict? How do you handle your anger? Do your children hear you gossip? Do they watch you being nice to someone and as soon as they leave, hear you put them down? Do they see you swallow your anger toward someone and then take it out on someone else or express that anger to everyone but the person you’re angry with? Do they witness you suddenly becoming someone else’s best friend with a mutual dislike toward your former friend as your bond together? Do they see you using alienation and censure to punish someone, maybe even your own children, when you are angry with them?

Studies show that children who bully, both covert and overt, are often treated that way at home. I don’t believe it’s always that way, because peer dynamics are powerful, as well as personal choice. I never discount personal choice. But children aren’t raised in a vacuum, and they do learn from those around them and the first environment is home.

So, what are you teaching your children?