Hi Demian,

Thank you for the work you do.

Over the course of 2 years three key relationships with women in my life have been destroyed because they behaved in a way that I would have thought impossible at one time. It began with a colleague.

She and I worked together for a number of years, just the two of us in a small office. There was distance because she seemed envious of any attention I received, compliments on my work, warmth from others in the workplace.

But I thought there was a foundation of basic regard between us. I certainly had respect for her. Then when a junior staff person arrived as my assistance she contrived a plot to try and turn the newcomer against me. She was caught at it, and I discovered she had been doing this sort of thing for years.

Suddenly I knew why I had been feeling increasingly disliked in the organization. There were no consequences for her because she is good friends with the President of the Board, who had actually been helping her in this campaign to marginalize me and make me feel diminished, disrespected, and unwelcome. She got want she wanted. I quit. By the time I stopped fighting to save my job I was exhausted and in despair.

At the same time I discovered that my sister was steadily draining substantial amounts of money from our widowed mother’s bank accounts. When she found out that I was doing a review to find out how much she had taken she wrote letters to Mom’s lawyer and the bank accusing me of dishonesty and of taking things out of Mom’s purse.

Our mother is in her late 80s and is unable to discern reality in any of this. My sister is aggressive with her and hysterical when criticized. With this strength of influence she had my mother totally confused over who was helping her and who was taking advantage. Since then our mother has moved in with my sister who has engineered power of attorney authority over all her business affairs. I am fighting for legal authority to protect what money she has left but I have had to cash in retirement savings to do so because I still have not found another job.

Through these painful situations I had the comfort of a dear friend. However the stress I was feeling spilled over and began to affect her sense of well-being. I tried to talk to her about it but she maintained that there was no problem. She takes great pride in her strength. But then she turned on me.

She began to undermine me, accused me of being a martyr. When I refused to acknowledge her right to blame me for my own problems she accused me of bullying her and withdrew from the friendship. I found out afterward that she thought I was going to kill myself and so wanted nothing to do with me.

What was particularly painful is that I was friends with her whole family and she made it a loyalty test that they support her against me. At a time that I needed the warmth of their support most, they are not only absent from my life but believe me to be abusive.

My partner, my sister, my friend.

I’m trying to find the lessons here, but all I find is deep disappointment in women I once trusted and respected.

Diane