One characteristic of relational aggression is acting like something didn’t happen, whether it was a snub, a comment, an entire weekend of alienating someone, a general unkind attitude when around others, but suddenly nice when you’re alone. It can happen with one person or a whole group can join in, intensifying your feeling that you were wrong, over sensitive, imagining things.

It’s called “gas lighting”. When called on it or asked what’s the matter, they act as if nothing had happened. They look at you as if you are crazy. This is the type of invalidating abuse that makes you start to doubt your senses and undermines your sense of security and trust in yourself. It’s insidious and it can make you feel crazy.

Here’s a good article explaining just how this can work in the realm of a personality disorder, primarily narcissism, Narcissistic Personality - Acting Like It Didn’t Happen

While being a relational aggressor, in no way, means you have a personality disorder, people who have personality disorders do use similar or identical tactics found in relational aggression, in their attempts to confuse, disorientate and manipulate people. Manipulation is manipulation, whether it’s situational specific or a part of an unhealthy personality.

And it works.

The reason why I like this article so much when it comes to defining this particular type of abuse, is because by sharing tactics, it shows just how hurtful and damaging relational aggression can be. Just because it’s done between females, and some of them young, doesn’t make the methodology for hurting a person less serious or significant.

When you read the article, substitute “she” for “he” and see if you can’t recognize either yourself or other girls and women doing just this very thing to each other. Then ask yourself if that’s how you want to be.

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