I originally wrote this in an email, and then felt it was appropriate for my Stop Apologizing Blog for older women…women of any age, actually.
But after posting it there, I decided I really wanted to share it here, as well, because women of all ages, including those still young worry so much about age and appearances. And wanting to be pretty and popular is a major catalyst for many of the relational aggression.
So I’m cross posting my reply to an activist, whose passion and work I really admire, asked me what was my secret to appearing younger looking than my age.
Oh, and just FYI, the photo on the right was taken two years ago and since it was indoors doesn’t show my gray. I’m getting more now and the sun really brings it all out…which I wear proudly. No comment on those who dye their hair. I dye my eyelashes, albeit temporarily with masacara. To each their own. The point I want to make isn’t whether it’s okay to wear makeup or not, dye your hair or not.
It’s not about what you choose to do out of fun or self empowerment or whim. It’s what we feel compelled to do out of a fear of rejection or a desperation for acceptance or, saddest of all, our sense of self-worth.
LOL, oh, [name removed] but I do look fifty! Since I am 50…well, will be 52 this November, then that’s what a 52 year old looks like. Truly, listen to yourself and count the number of times you say “Gee, you don’t look like you’re old enough to be a grandmother…etc”.
I did, and one day it just dawned on me that we really don’t know what older people look like. We have caricatures. This has become a very special issue for me. Ageism and the stereotypes we have.
Having said that, I have to say that I do have the genes that give me a slower biological time clock. My mom did and so did my dad. So I’m sure that factors.
But think about it. If I’m blessed with longevity and live to be a hundred and I look younger than my years, like say 20 years younger or even 30, I’ll still look like I’m seventy!
Then what? Will that diminish my value? Will I suddenly become apologetic? No way!
All I know is if I don’t have character or integrity, if I don’t live my life with passion and commitment to what is right, then not one of those wrinkles will make me look anywhere near as unattractive as the regrets and shallow spirit that will weigh heavily on me with no pleasant facade to hide behind.
So…the secret is self acceptance and feeling comfortable with your body and who is living in it. That will radiate outward, and if the outer doesn’t reflect the standard measure of beauty, you won’t be attracted to those to whom that will matter. You’ll just know you deserve better.
The power and the peace will be yours, and isn’t that what’s worth anything?
Love you – though you’re a stranger, I love your heart, your spirit and the wonderful way you are blessing your children.
Some people fall and die. Others fall and grow. You fell hard and met the soil with the roots of your conviction and grew. And now you are spreading out your branches to become a shelter to others and lift them up on your strong limbs to see the horizon to their own freedom.
Your “secret” has so much more value than “mine”.
Blessings,
Demian,
~DreamSinger
Keeping the Dream
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