Why do we, sometimes, get so desperate for a man or for a man, some specific guy, that we’re willing to sacrifice everything for him? Our integrity, our values, our own compass in life? Every direction we go, every friend we make, every social event we strive to be a part of derives it’s importance to the extent that it brings us closer to our goal - securing our man.

But is there any security in this, at all?

What’s interesting to me, as it relates to relational aggression, isn’t just how we might target a woman or girl to hurt, but how we target specific women or girls to befriend for our own purposes. Sometimes it’s to get information. Sometimes its to slowly enlist support, make converts out of “her” friend into “ours”. And sometimes it’s for no real purpose at all, except some pathetic expression of an obsession.

And how about information gathering? It’s disconcerting to discover that someone you thought was a person who was trying to get to know you, was actually merely getting information for themselves or a friend of theirs. And that they or the friend on whose behalf they are acting don’t care about you, at all, perhaps evening despising you.

And this behavior isn’t restricted to school aged kids. It’s a fact of life in the adult world - the same old crap, as I learned tonight.

So how do you feel about that? Violated? Set up? Pissed?

How about all of the above?

I don’t like being used. I don’t like fake smiles. I don’t like engaging in good faith conversation only to discover it was never mutual, but filled with agendas and hidden motives.

So, maybe I’m not slandered. Maybe I’m not censured or chastised or alienated. But being manipulate or discovering those you care about are being manipulated is an “under the radar” aggression.

It’s an assault and it’s abusive. So wipe that smile off your face and put the sweetness shtick aside. Either get real or get lost.

I have no time or inclination for games.