Just reviewed yet another research report that showed how often boys admit (and are even proud of) being considered a bullying type of person and how rarely girls will confess to the same. With Simon Baer Cohn’s book The Essential Difference” fresh in my mind, it’s shouldn’t be surprising that females hesitate to consider themselves aggressive–and from a physical perspective, it’s true. Women don’t usually attack each other with punches and kicks (or gunshots), but for us, a sneer, a snipe, or a shutout can be just as devastating.

The title of Dr. Baer Cohn’s book sums it up for me: the essential difference. Women and men do handle conflict and competition differently, and today when a radio show host asked me what we can learn from each other, my response was:

• watch and value the ability of boys to learn early on that you can cooperate on a team and achieve a goal even if you aren’t friends with someone
• appreciate the process of “talking things out” rather than defaulting to unilateral decision-making
• view competition as an inspiration for mutual success rather than as a win-defeat situation
• allow your perspective on both personal and professional issues to incorporate intuitive and emotional feelings.

  I’m not sure I was quite so *eloquent* in the moment!