I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with my youngest daughter and nephew yesterday, and I *loved* it.
The entire movie was filled with symbolism and meaning, but there’s one scene that was especially relevant for this topic of relational aggression.
Two of the five golden ticket holder were girls, who were about as obnoxious as could be…one grotesquely spoiled and the other, obsessively competitive, and both very full of themselves. At one point, inside the factory, one girl looks at the other and says, “Let’s be friends”, to which the other girl says, “Best friends”. And then they walk together arm and arm.
It was obvious by their huge stiff smiles and cold eyes that they despised one another, and there were more than a few times when sly sideway glances were given and looks of smug disdain. That it was a reflection of how girls truly can relate to one another sent chills through me.
My nephew asked why did they walk arm in arm, and I said it was because they needed to keep the other close to keep an eye on her, and to be close enough to stab each other in the back when the opportunity presented itself.
Relational aggression is all about using friendships as a weapon. How often do we grin and bear it, saying words of goodwill we don’t mean, while bearing a grudge.
There are lots of reminders and examples of how hurtful covert rage and competition can be, but there are also examples of better choices, when sisterhood holds real meaning and real power.
Here’s to 2006, a year in which we can explore, discover and create deeper and richer examples of just what it means to be female and friends.
Demian,
~DreamSinger
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