Well, I finally finished a major editing for my manuscript on relational aggression, “Where There’s Smoke”. Got some more work to do, but the major hurdle has been crossed.
There was an interesting phenomenon that occured through the course of this project, and that is the more I worked on the book, the more I began to recognize myself in it. Not just as the author or in the examples I used that came from personal experience, and not just the “Oh, yes, we’ve all done some of this stuff” kind of thing.
It was the whole denial/rationalizing kind of thing that went beyond my relationships with women, and into other areas of my life.
We are all connected…even within ourselves. You really can’t be one thing in one area of your life and be something, altogether, in another. Even if our outward behavior is different, let’s say in work or play, or with family or strangers, or even approved people and those we are prejudiced against, who we are overflows into every area of our lives.
So your prejudice or game playing or whatever you do in areas you deem are all right to do that sort of stuff in, leaks over into the areas of your life where you would aspire to be better.
I guess, the bottomline for me is that I’m beginning to appreciate just how far reaching wounds or dysfunction or hurtful patterns are in our lives.
The good news is this is also true about the healing we do. So we don’t have to fix everything. It’s perhaps not so daunting a task as we sometimes make it out to be.
Just start where you are. If relational aggression is the area that is screaming out at you, then embrace it fully as the teacher it is. Maybe empowerment is something you need to develop. Maybe looking at different ways to express…or even accept your negative emotions is another. But when you address one area of your life, one relationship at a time, it has wonderful repercussions throughout your entire life.
So maybe, this feeling uncomfortable is worth it. The hot seat can be a wonderful place to be, especially when it gets you up and moving to positive action.
Demian,
~DreamSinger – Healng Songs
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