Excerpt from “Where There’s Smoke”

No, relational aggression is a big deal.

If you are or have been a target of relational aggression, I want you to know you are not being “too sensitive” or somehow failing yourself for “letting” other people get to you. When it rains, you get wet. When people are mean, it hurts. It’s not your shortcoming for feeling that hurt!

Whether your experience with relational aggression is dealing with darting glances and muffled laughter in school or finding your reputation and standing among peers damaged at work, relational aggression hurts.

If the law, itself, recognizes that slander or libel can inflict considerable damage to a person’s peace of mind, her reputation and her standing among others, can it be any less injurious because you’re a kid or less devastating because the rumor isn’t published in a tabloid?

Studies have shown that victims of relational aggression suffer the same long-term effects as victims of physical bullying. Targets suffer emotional and psychological distress, loneliness, peer rejection, isolation, loss of sleep and appetite, anxiety and depression. The very foundation of trust, the ability or willingness to trust again, is often damaged, and self-image, as well as self-worth is brought into question.

Relational aggression hurts! Be comfortable accepting that. Denial of negative or unpleas-ant emotions is the root of relational aggression, remember?

Own your feelings and know there are choices you can make. If you have a place to go, you can get out of the rain. Or you can take out an umbrella. You can put on a rain coat…and if you choose, you can even dance in the rain! You have options, but for now, it’s important that you remember that it’s normal to feel hurt, when someone is hurting you!

Demian,
~DreamSinger - Healing Songs