Lately, the “b” word has been on my radar screen, thanks to some interesting discussions about “mean women.” All too often, it seems that assertiveness gets confused with aggression and vice versa–perhaps because feminists of the previous decade rebelled so strongly against passivity. Whatever the reason, there seems to be such misunderstanding about female behavior these days that it’s hard to figure out, much less explain to others.
Consider:
“She’s a go-getter. She gets what she wants, no matter what.”
“She’s going straight to the top. No one is going to stand in her way.”
“What a tough cookie! She really tells it like it is.”

Are these women assertive or aggressive? We would probably need to know more to come to a conclusion one way or another, but in a nutshell, assertiveness is a win-win situation. Regardless of the outcome, both parties leave the interaction feeling respected and “listened to.” Aggressive communications are a win-lose dynamic: one person walks away feeling hurt, confused, used, or ignored.

For some helpful information on assertiveness and “how-to’s”check out http://www.uiowa.edu/~ucs/asertcom.html

Are bitches really just women who are assertive? Do we accept aggression or bitchiness from men more readily than women?

An interesting article forwarded by a friend got me thinking about these questions. If you go there, make sure to browse the comments.

You can read it at:

http://insidehighered.com/views/2005/09/19/haberle
(For some reason this link opens up to an “module not found” message, even though the URL is correct. Type in “haberle” in the search box in the upper left hand corner, and it will take you to the author’s page, where you can click on a link to the article. It’s worth reading.” ~ Demian)

I’d love to hear what you think about bitchiness, assertiveness, and aggressiveness.