The title of the web home page is “Healing the Abuse of Relational Aggression”. So what does that mean?

I don’t have a specific steps procedure for healing, because it’s hard to outline something that is so uniquely personal to each individual. However, there are certain principles that do seem to show up on every person’s path. Part of the beauty of our own journey is to find what that means, how it looks for each one of us.

One principle is the principle of knowledge. So reading articles about relational aggression and listening to the experiences of other people is not only a good intellectual pursuit, but can be profoundly healing in and of itself.

Isolation, censorship, exclusion - all these things are characteristic of relational aggression, so learning about that process can liberate you from one of the wounds of relational aggression, which is the awful feeling of being utterly alone. It, also, helps to heal the shame you’re inclined to feel as a result of being forsaken or rejected, when you realize that being excluded is reflective of the nature of relational aggression and not a result of some inherent quality about you.

Also, because relational aggression is manipulative, by its very nature, sometimes it’s hard to even consciously recognize you’ve been assaulted or to articulate it, even when inside you know you’ve just been attacked. Your eyes may see smiles, but you can see or feel what’s behind them.

This is not the same thing as paranoia. It’s sharpening your skills of discernment and learning to recognize the characteristics, the relational aggression modes of operation. And it’s about fine tuning, or perhaps, taking out and dusting off your more intuitive senses.

Knowledge of the dynamics of relational aggression can be validating of your own experiences, and validation is an integral part of healing.

Blessings,
Demian,
~DreamSinger