At the heart of relational aggression is some kind of hurtful communication. Somehow, one person intentionally or unintentionally uses words or behavior to wound another. Not a single punch is pulled, but damage is still done.

Today, I was looking at the Club Ophelia poster “What to Do When Words Become a Weapon.” It was created using the suggestions of real girls who talked to me about how they responded to relational aggression.

Their wise advice seems relevant to both young and adult women, and since I’m so often asked, “What can I do about RA?” it seems appropriate to summarize what they said here.

1. Love yourself for who you are: accept the things you can’t change and realize those who can’t do likewise probably wouldn’t be good friends anyway.

2. Help someone else: volunteering can turn your perspective around

3. Think about what you say: especially online.

4. Gain insight into why others act the way they do: even “popular” girls have issues.

5. Keep a sense of values: don’t do things you don’t believe in, no matter what.

6. Maintain hope for the future: life changes constantly–often for the better

7. Use other outlets to express feelings: journaling and other forms of creativity help

8. Look beyond the surface: others are not always what they seem to be

9. Forgive and forget: sometimes it’s best to let go and move on

10. Positive gossip; when others start to put someone down, say something positive about her

11. Monitor your own behavior: it’s easy to think you haven’t done anything wrong, but sometimes you have

12. You are not alone: many others feel as you do

As always, I’m awed by the wisdom of young women, and struck the practicality of their suggestions. Not every tip will work for every person, but having options that real girls have used successfully can encourage us all.
Fondly, Cheryl

PS: If you’re interested in the full quotes, the poster is available on my Club Ophelia website