Yesterday I got an email that surprised me. “Wendy” wrote to say she had seen me on TV and immediately went to E-bay where she bid on and purchased a galley (pre-release) copy of my next book, Mean Girls Grown Up. Her determination to find the book even though it won’t be officially on the shelves until next month amazed me!
The rest of her note wasn’t surprising–in fact she described a situation I’ve heard about from women around the world. (I’ve already been asked to speak to Australian women via radio interview about Mean Girls Grown Up).
Wendy wrote:
“I just finished [the book], and it was wonderful–not only to identify a lot of things in my own life, but in some work I’m doing…thank you. I’ve recommended your work to my saner female friends who bemoan that they can’t figure out why their sensible approaches to things don’t help them at work or in the PTA! I’ve also suggested to several that they look at your other books, as they all have pre-adolescent daughters….let’s hope we can break the cycle in the next generation of young girls.”
After writing my second book, Girl Wars I was asked again and again: “What happens when ‘Queen bees’ grow up?” Eventually, I became curious too, and found that no one had written about the adult lives of girls who got stuck in relationally aggressive behavior patterns. I began to explore whether the Queen phase was a temporary one driven by adolescent social pressures, and whether each “bee” had her day and then moved on.
You’ll have to read the book to find out what I learned, but suffice it to say that for young women who don’t learn a better way, RA can permeate every aspect of her life, spilling over into romantic relationships, career trajectories, and even family interactions. While all of us have the capacity to act as the “Queen Bee” or her target, the women who are worrisome are those who literally can’t interact in any other way. (That’s why I founded Club and Camp Ophelia for girls. )
This blog is an exciting opportunity to join the dialogue Demian and I have already started on how each of us can respond to the destructive dynamic of RA. We think alike, but don’t always agree on specifics–that’s what makes our conversations so interesting (and our face to face meetings long).
Hope you’ll join us!
